Time.

Time. 

A Mother's worst enemy. 

I was always someone who needed wanted to know what time it was. I am someone who hates to be late. I prefer to be early instead of on time. 

Throughout my pregnancy with Calvin, I was always aware of time. I knew exactly how many months and days that I was into my pregnancy and how much approximate time remained. I subscribed to every website there was that would tell me what fruit/vegetable Calvin resembled at that particular milestone. I knew more about my growing baby than the headlines being reported on the nightly news. I could not only tell you the food that he resembled, but also his approximate length, weight and what body systems were developing that week.

I believe I really did everything I could to enjoy and be present in every moment of my pregnancy. I savored the time I was given to relax in between the end of the school year and the birth of my sweet boy. However, I was always aware of how much time was left until his "due date." It's not that I couldn't wait for my pregnancy to be over, but I could not wait to meet our sweet boy. I counted down. Each new day that began was possibly the day that our baby's time with us would begin. Any minute. Any day. 

On June 18, another collection of time began. This time, we counted every contraction. The length. The intensity. The frequency of occurrence. For over thirty seven hours, we counted contractions and gave a number to pain levels. You know the question, "On a scale of 1 through 10, 1 being the least amount of pain you could feel and a 10 being "put me out of my misery", what would you rate your pain through that last contraction. 

Looking back, time seemed to go incredibly quickly, but I know in the moments, time was NOT on my side. I checked into the hospital at 2:00 p.m. on Wednesday, June 19th. Calvin was born at 2:07 p.m. the next day. That means we spent twenty four hours in the hospital counting before he was born. 

I know it sounds ludicrous, but I loved labor. I loved every single minute of it. Not every moment was enjoyable, but it was the fact that each moment brought me closer to meeting Calvin. Yes, some moments were a bit more painful than others, but they all were bringing me closer to that miracle.  

The moment Calvin was born, I wept...and wept. He was the image of perfection and a miraculous picture of God himself. 

I never knew how quickly time could pass. Yes, in the past I knew that time went quickly, but I never knew it could go THIS quickly. 

Someone once told me, "The days are long, but the years are short." This is SO true. 

There are days when the hours seem to drag on, but then its the weekend and I have no idea where the week went. I LOVE every single day that I am blessed to spend at home with my sweet boy. I'll be honest, I don't love EVERY SINGLE MOMENT of every day, but almost. There are times when all I want is to eat a meal without rushing through it or shower without having to worry about getting out to return to what life asks of me next. HOWEVER, with one little smile, giggle or sweet look, I'm grounded. 

I don't know what happened to the last 16 weeks. It seems like just yesterday that we were coming home from the hospital and learning how to navigate life with our new family member. 

Now, Calvin is a little person with loads of personality. He's a big fan of eating, snuggling, his pacifier, eating, checking himself out in the mirror with his Daddy, slobbering on anything he can get his hands on, eating, meeting new people, white noise, bath time, watching "The Fox Song" music video, the hood vent on the stove, watching mom load the washing machine with the water running and many other things.

He is NOT a fan of being on a schedule, riding in the backseat by himself, being held where he can't see the "action" around him, his immobility or being cold.

Time is going too quickly and I'm attempting to soak up EVERY SINGLE MOMENT before he reaches the newest milestone. Those milestones happen in the blink of an eye and then he's onto the next one.

- caitlin

Calvin's Birth Story - June 20, 2013

 Calvin's Birth Story - June 20, 2013

**Warning/Disclaimer: If you don't like to read about childbirth, please stop reading here. I have written the memories from the birth of my son so that I will have these words and memories to cherish forever. If you don't want to read about my birth experience, please discontinue reading now.

Monday, June 17, 2013 - "DUE DATE"

We went in for our forty week check up Monday afternoon. I was checked and was STILL at 1 cm dilated and 0% effaced, the same that I had been since week 36 of my pregnancy. My doctor let me know that because I wasn't dilating and my cervix was still very "thick", it would probably still be a while before baby DeSalvo made his appearance. I left this appointment feeling incredibly down and with a pile of mixed emotions. I was so thrilled that baby was healthy and I still felt great. (Yes, I really did feel great up until the very end. Many people don't believe me when I say that, but I loved every minute of pregnancy.) However, I was so discouraged that my body wasn't progressing and hadn't started doing what it was supposed to.

We were supposed to have a prenatal appointment with our doula that evening, but I let her know I just kind of wanted to sulk and could barely talk about pregnancy, let alone labor, without crying. She came over to bring us some hand outs on positions for labor and it really did help to talk through things with her. She was so compassionate and wonderful it was as if God knew we needed her in that moment of uncertainty. She prayed with Joe and I. After that prayer, I felt a huge relief and peace about everything. God put me at ease and brought me the peace I was so desperately seeking.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

After another discouraging appointment on Monday, we went to bed thinking our baby boy wouldn't be born for a couple more weeks. However, I awoke around 4 or 5 o'clock in the morning to pretty intense cramping and contractions. I began to time them and they appeared to be around 5-10 minutes apart and were fairly intense. When J awoke to get ready for work, I let him know what was going on and we both decided he should probably stay home until we knew if this was the real thing or not. After all, this could be it, our son could be born today. We hung out in our bedroom watching movies and enjoying our time together as a family of two. I lost a bit of my mucous plug and had some of my "bloody show." I texted our wonderful doula to let her know what was going on so that she would be in the loop.

Then, around 10:00 a.m. the contractions began to spread out and by 11:00 a.m. they were gone with just mild cramping. J went on in to work to try and get a jump on things in case contractions sparked back up. We went to bed that night hoping to get some rest and wake up refreshed on Wednesday, but Calvin had other plans.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

After being asleep for a mere two hours or so, contractions returned. Again, they were 5-10 minutes apart and were the same intensity as Tuesday morning. However, something felt differently today. Something was telling me that this was different and things were starting to happen! I decided to wait an hour or so to wake J up. I wanted to make sure that the contractions were going to continue and this wasn't another false alarm. J awoke around 2:00 a.m. and I let him know that I was having contractions again and that I thought this was going to be the real thing this time. We both went in and out of sleep until early morning. I kept our doula in the loop all night and she let me know that this was probably the real thing but that we would see what came next.

Contractions continued to gradually intensify until J and I decided that we should call the doctor's office before making any decisions about going to the hospital. The last thing I wanted was to go to Labor and Delivery and either have them send me home or admit me too early on in labor. So, I called our wonderful doctor who said she would be okay with checking me in the office first and then going from there. [Side note: I can't say this enough, and it won't be the last time you read about her in this story, but my doctor is and was phenomenal throughout my pregnancy and birth. She was incredibly supportive of our desires to have an all natural birth and was on board with our birth plan from day one.]

We packed the last minute things into our bags and loaded up the car. We said good bye to our home...leaving it for the last time as a family of two. Then we were off to North Kansas City Hospital. We arrived at the doctor around 10:30 a.m. to be checked. I did not have my hopes up because on Monday I was still at a 1 (I had been dilated to 1 cm. since 36 weeks) and was 0% effaced. Going through another exam was not something I was looking forward to. After all, it was my second exam in a 48 hour time frame. As my doctor was examining me I was studying her face. I was looking for any kind of sign that I had made progress and that these contractions were actually being productive.

Then, I saw the sign that I had been waiting for. My doctor looked at me with a smile and said, "Well, you sure have made progress and those contractions are doing something!" I was now dilated to a 3 and was 50% effaced! This was exciting news and I felt so empowered. My body was doing what it was supposed to and just like J had been telling me..."Just when we think it's not going to happen, it will happen." My doctor said that she could admit me right then and there OR we could go home, rest, eat a big lunch (after all, once in the hospital I wouldn't be able to eat much) and take some time to ourselves before returning to check in a few hours later.

We drove home with the reality that we would be meeting our son very soon and that these truly were the last moments we would have as just the two of us. Upon arriving home, we ate a fairly large, protein packed breakfast/lunch and enjoyed some down time. I was still feeling pretty comfortable through the contractions and was able to talk and carry on through each one of them.

At 2:00 p.m. we arrived back at the hospital to check in to labor and delivery. We met our first labor and delivery nurse who we both immediately felt comfortable with. She loaded my water mug up with ice chips and water and took us to our room. This was the room our son would be born in.

We went through all the standard procedures of check in (answering health questions, changing into the beautiful hospital gown, making ourselves at home) and then the waiting began. Then, the nurse asked for our birth plan. I wasn't sure how attentive they would be to things we were wishing and hoping for, but they blew me out of the water with how well they took care of us. My nurse checked me and I was still only at a 3, but I had effaced further and my bag of waters was "bulging" which meant that she felt it could break at any time. Contractions were still steady, but not uncomfortable. I was still able to talk through each of them and move around pretty comfortably. We got out of the room and did lots of walking and moving around hoping that by the time my doctor came in after office hours that I would have made significant progress. I remember so ignorantly thinking, this pain is nothing, bring on the stronger contractions.

My doctor came in shortly before 6:00 p.m. to check me. I was sitting on the birth peanut watching my contractions and Calvin's heart rate on the monitors. While examining me, my doctor let me know that I hadn't made much progress (Now, 4 cm dilated and 75% effaced) and asked if I would like her to break my water to get things going. Because I wanted as little intervention as possible, I politely let her know that I was willing to wait and would prefer my bag of waters not be broken. I wanted my body to do things when it was ready.

However, while she was examining me, she discovered that my water had broken because I was leaking. I had felt something while I was on the birth peanut, but didn't think anything of it until she let me know that my water had in fact broken. Now, I always heard people talking about their waters breaking, but you really can't get an idea of what it's like until it happens to you. It was quite a comical moment. Shortly after my exam, I stood up and experienced that "gush" that you see depicted in the movies. I was laughing so hard and each time I would laugh, it would gush more. I could NOT believe how much fluid I had in me. However, once I lost a lot of it, you could immediately see that my belly had shrunk. At this point, my parents and J's mom were in the room and we all got a good laugh at me sitting on the birth peanut with my water continuing to gush. They actually had to call Environmental Services to come and mop the floor. Yes, I was embarrassed.

Once I felt that I could walk around he halls without making a mess (Yes, I told you I wasn't going to hold back, so if you're feeling uncomfortable now, stop reading...it will only get worse) we were doing laps around labor and delivery again. I was still able to walk pretty comfortably and talk through each contraction. Actually, I often forgot to let J and our doula know that I was having one.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

It wasn't until 1:00 a.m. on Thursday morning that the contractions really stepped up their intensity. At this point, I was pretty tired because I'd been having contractions for 24 hours. We all decided as a birthing team that it was time for us to get some rest. We loaded up the DVD player with several discs worth of FRIENDS and settled in for what promised to be a long night. I was able to get little bits of sleep between contractions, but was glad my two "coaches" were both able to get pretty decent rest times.

My wonderful night nurse came in to check me at 3:00 a.m. I was now 100% effaced and 5.5 cm dilated. This was great news because now I just needed to finish dilating which was easier to manipulate than effacing. We decided it would be a good idea for me to take a shower. This would be a good thing because it would not only relax me, but hopefully release some oxytocin which would help labor pick up a bit. The hot water felt so good on my back and was very relaxing. After the shower, my night nurse decided I needed to be on the monitor for a bit to keep a close eye on Calvin's heart rate. It had started to dip a bit during contractions and they wanted to keep an eye on it to make sure that didn't continue. Being on the monitor did prevent me from walking around the halls, but it did help to keep me in bed and allowed for more rest time which I desperately needed after being awake for more than 24 hours. 

My doctor came in at 7:30 a.m. to examine me again and I was now between 7 and 8 cm! She also discovered that part of the amniotic membrane was between Calvin's head and my cervix which was preventing him from descending further down the birth canal. My doctor was confident that this would help labor progress and warned me that things would probably become much more intense now. Boy was she right. From this point on I was growing increasingly uncomfortable by the minute and around 9:15 a.m. I began to feel a lot more pressure. Everyone assured me that this was a good sign and the more uncomfortable I was the closer we were to meeting Calvin. 

Throughout the next couple of hours, we (the birthing team) and I attempted to make the most of each contraction by walking, squatting and changing positions to help Calvin descend. I distinctly remember being in the bathroom with Joe while I was having a very intense contraction. I looked up at him with huge tears streaming down my face and said, "If this gets any more painful I am not sure I can do it. What if I can't do this?" Of course, Joe reassured me that I was going to be able to do this and that right now I was probably in "transition", another very good sign. Our doula told me afterwards that once she saw me crying she knew birth was that much closer. 

We decided to go walk out in the hallway a bit more so that I could squat during contractions and move how I felt the most comfortable. We walked VERY slowly and with each contraction, I was forced to stop, breathe, cry, moan and scream. I am sure that bystanders were terrified. My dear friend and I joked during birthing class that we would never be one of those women who became primal and made noises you had never heard. Well, I became one of those women. I was incredibly primal and it was so freeing. I even remember at the beginning of labor thinking, "Why do people need to make those noises? This doesn't hurt that bad." Silly, silly me. It's amazing how making those noises helps the pain melt away.

I remember during one distinct contraction while we were out in the hallway I told J and our doula that I HAD to get back to the room, I HAD to start pushing. The pressure was THAT intense. Upon arriving at our room door, another contraction waved over me and I had to stop. I leaned on the wall and on Joe, screamed, cried, moaned and pretty sure that I even hit the wall repeatedly at one point. I happened to look down the hall and saw my Mom and Mother-in-Law standing at the entry doors waving through the windows. I waved back and pretty sure I terrified them with what they were seeing. We made it back to the room and I made it to bed. It felt SO good to lay down.

I should mention at this point that my doctor had given me 11:00 a.m. as a sort of deadline. If I wasn't progressing enough and close enough to 10 cm by then, they were going to begin inducing me. My doctor was leaving to go out of town at 2:00 p.m. so I had it in my mind that I was going to give birth to Calvin by lunch time. That was my goal and I truly believe that having this goal really helped me progress because at 11:00 a.m. when I was checked, I was "complete"...meaning I was dilated to a 10 and was fully effaced!

My nurse, the same wonderful nurse that I had on Wednesday, got on her phone and I could hear her say, "We're ready for delivery in room 810." It was really happening. J switched on the play list that I had prepared...piano covers of my favorite country songs and it was .

In just a matter of minutes, our room transformed from a "cozy birthing suite" into a delivery room. Medical tools and supplies were wheeled in, more nurses and techs flooded the room, the spotlights were turned on and it was time to start pushing. My nurse was pretty sure that once I started pushing, Calvin would be here rather quickly. She even called my doctor after about 30 minutes of pushing and let her know I would probably deliver within a matter of minutes. Remember, my doctor had to leave at 2:00 p.m. to go out of town and it was now around noon. My doctor arrived and pushing continued...for two and a half hours! I kept apologizing to my doctor, the nurses and techs for taking so long. It is such a strange feeling to know that everyone is there for YOU and your baby. They kept telling me to stop apologizing and reassuring me that he would be here soon.

Joe was PHENOMENAL! Through every push he was the reassurance and peace that I needed. He said all of the right things and made me feel so empowered. I know how exhausted he was, we both were, but he stayed by my side through it all. I will never forget the look on his face and the sounds he made right as Calvin was born. It's something I will keep locked in my memories forever. 

Because of exhaustion and being so weak from now having eaten in 24 hours, each push was quite an effort. Believe it or not, I fell asleep in between each contraction and it was a pretty sound sleep. I was just beyond exhausted. After a while, my contractions began to spread out and Calvin was coming out and the receding back in. So, at 1:50 p.m. I agreed to let them begin my pitocin drip a bit early. Normally, they wait until after the baby is born to start it in order to help with uterine contracting and bleeding. My doctor was confident this would help the contractions come close enough together that baby would arrive within a couple of contractions. Now, while I am unsure of whether or not the pitocin helped at all, I felt more empowered than ever and ready to meet my little man. 

As I was pushing, I remember asking after several contractions, "He's here right? That was the one?" They would sweetly let me know that he still wasn't born, but I was very close.

We welcomed Calvin West into the world at 2:07 p.m. He weighed in at a very healthy 8 pounds, 11 ounces and was 21 1/2 inches long. He was so alert from the moment he was born looking into our eyes and nursed for 45 minutes within an hour of being born. 

I remember a co-worker telling me that the moment your child is born is the most emotional moment as she teared up telling me about it. I can honestly say that in that moment, I felt a flood of emotions and I couldn't have been happier. 

This photo beautifully captures that moment and all of the emotions that I was feeling. I remember saying over and over again to J, "He looks just like you! I can't believe how big he is! He's here! I did it!"

Here are a few more photos from Calvin's BIRTHday. 

 Here is my amazing doctor with Calvin shortly after he was born. She was a phenomenal support throughout this pregnancy and birth and was even willing to stay even though she was supposed to be headed out on a family vacation! 

 Daddy and Calvin's first photo together. Calvin LOVED his bath and was so happy afterwards.

 Mommy and Calvin in our new room, no longer in the "birthing suite."

 Sweet, sweet baby Calvin in all of his glory.

I love the look on their faces here. Calvin is so intrigued by J and J is so in love with Calvin and it's all captured in this frame.

{40}

Baby Calvin Update-Week 40!

How Far Along: 40 weeks, 1 day...one day past our due date

Total Weight Gain: I gained a couple of pounds this week, mostly fluid, so I have gained a total of 43 pounds. My swelling has definitely gotten MUCH better since school has gotten out and I am not on my feet all day, but don't be fooled, I am still swollen.

Maternity Clothes: YES! I am living in sweats and pajamas.

Favorite Moment This Week: My Mom has been wonderful the past couple of weeks since I have been out of school. She will call every other day or so and ask if I need anything or if I want to get out. We have had several breakfast/lunch/dinner dates as well as finished up some last minute baby shopping. I have thoroughly enjoyed these times with my sweet Mom and can't wait to see her as a Grandma...this boy is going to be loved more than he can imagine!


Heeding advice from many sources, J and I decided to go on a date Saturday evening to the Plaza. We had a great dinner at Houston's followed by a stroll around the plaza and some shopping for ourselves. It was a great time and I loved our time together. We're going to make it a goal to have a date night at least once a month. After all, I am sure we will be able to find a babysitter.



Gender: Boy, Calvin

Movement: Yes! He is still moving around a lot and is still very spread out. He is now in a "sunny side up" position which isn't the optimum position for birth, but seeing as how much he moves around, I am not too worried about that. Our wonderful doula gave me some exercises to do to help him move into a better position and our doctor isn't worried.

Food Cravings: I don't really have any new cravings, same old, same old.

What I Miss: I still miss having energy. I get spurts of energy every once in a while, but for the most part, I just want to be curled up in bed/on the couch relaxing. I was also just telling Joe this morning that it is going to be nice and strange to be able to just roll/jump right out of bed. Right now, getting up and out of bed is quite a process.

Sleep: I still have good nights and bad nights. I usually fall asleep around 10-11 p.m., wake up every 2 hours to use the restroom and then wake up around 5:30 or 6:00 a.m. Then, once Joe leaves for work around 8:30 or 9:00 a.m. I head back to bed and sleep for another hour or two. Then, I usually take another nap in the afternoon.

What I Am Looking Forward To: Even though our due date has come and gone, I know he is coming VERY soon. I just can't fathom actually meeting this little man that has been growing inside of me for 9+ months! I know he is just going to be the best thing and I can't wait to meet him!

Symptoms: Exhaustion, back ache, cramping, and contractions that come and go pretty regularly

Belly Button: Out!

Next Dr. Appt: Next Tuesday, Week 41

Contractions: Yes! This morning I woke up around 5:00 a.m. and was having some pretty intense cramping that turned into contractions. So, around 5:45 a.m. I began to time the contractions. They were coming every 4-5 minutes and lasting around 40 seconds to 1 minute. This lasted for almost three hours and then I was able to take a nap. When I woke up, the contractions stalled and I haven't really had any since. So, this morning was progress (I hope), but still no baby!

Dilation/Effacement: I am STILL only 1 cm dilated and 0% effaced and have been since week 36. Sunday I began experiencing some pretty intense pressure and thought for sure this would be the week where I would have progressed, but alas I had not. We left our appointment and I was incredibly disappointed and frustrated. I sent a text to our sweet doula and let her know about the appointment and how bummed I was. She brought over some paper work for us to look over and then she prayed over us and sweet Calvin. It was just what I needed in order to get me back in a positive mind set and got me even more excited to deliver our baby boy.

Our doctor is in town this week, out of town next and returns the week that I will be 42 weeks. Because I haven't progressed at all, my doctor is unsure when he will arrive and she believes it will be later rather than sooner. However, after my four hour bout of contractions this morning, I am hoping and praying that he will arrive while our doctor is in town. I have loved going through this experience with the support of our doctor. She respects all of our wishes and is incredibly supportive of our desire to go natural and not to be induced. She is willing to wait it out with me as long as baby is okay. If I make it to 42 weeks, we will do a biophysical profile to insure baby is still okay.

 J and I went on a date to our favorite restaurant on the Plaza (Houston's) Saturday evening and enjoyed walking around and doing a bit of shopping for ourselves.

40 weeks - after returning from the doctor!

the waiting game

tomorrow is the day. our "estimated due date". and even though there are still twenty six hours until that day passes, it looks like our little guy may just be too cozy to make his appearance. which, by the way, is totally okay.

i posted a week or so ago (okay, who am i kidding, i have lost track of the days and don't remember when that was) about the question i have been asked hundreds of times..."are you ready?" yes, we are ready. however, i am in no hurry to give this little man his eviction notice. if he's not ready, then we are willing to wait.

wait.

easier said than done. not because i am miserable and can't wait for this to be over, because i am still incredibly comfortable or "one of those happy pregnant women" as my chiropractor calls me. i love that label. waiting is hard because, if you ask my parents or my husband, patience is NOT a personality trait that i come by easily. being patient takes lots of work on my part. i am impatient by nature.

having several weeks off between school getting out for the summer and our baby coming into the world has turned out to be a bigger blessing than i imagined. it has given me time to share with friends, family and myself. j and i have taken advantage of these last few weeks as a family of two by eating out, being lazy, taking naps, and doing whatever we feel like whenever we feel like doing it.

my mom has been phenomenal in asking multiple times per week if i need to get out for errands or just to get out. i have taken her up on these offers on multiple occasions which have lead to some great mother-daughter bonding time. we've eaten breakfast and lunch out, ventured to target and babies r us for some last minute things that i "need". these are times i will cherish forever.

i can already tell what an amazing father j is going to be. he has taken such incredible care of me throughout this pregnancy and always puts myself and the baby before himself. always making sure that i am comfortable and asking if i need anything. at times it seems as though he has read my mind when i think of one more thing to be done around the house that i am unable to do. i always hate to ask, knowing that he has many things in his own mind to get done, but right when i have thought about something to add to the "to do" list, i turn around and it's already done. because once again, j has taken it upon himself to get it done. for him, i am eternally thankful for playing such a huge part in make this pregnancy so enjoyable and stress-free.

another part of the waiting game that is a struggle for me is that i am such a "planner" that it is really hard to not know when he will arrive. each time i go to the grocery store or target, i think "this will be the last time i come here before the baby is born, what should i stock up on?" just ask j about my obsession with purchasing toilet paper.

and so now we wait. we wait for our sweet baby to arrive. we wait for our lives to change. we wait to become parents and receive the greatest gift god can give us. we wait to meet our son.

we're ready when you are!

39

Baby Calvin Update-Week 39

How Far Along: 39 weeks 1 day

Total Weight Gain: I still haven't gained any weight since my 36 week appointment, so I have gained a total of 40 pounds. It is funny though, because I feel like I have gained a lot more, especially in the last few weeks, but I suppose it's just swelling.

Maternity Clothes: YES! However, I'm mostly wearing sweats and maternity maxi dresses.

Favorite Moment This Week: I have really enjoyed my time of relaxation before baby Calvin arrives. It's been nice to do my own thing on my own timeline and lay on the couch for hours without feeling guilty. The waiting is getting harder every day, but I am still not in a hurry. I want Calvin to come on HIS timeline when he is ready.

Gender: Boy, Calvin

Movement: Yes! He still has lots of room to move around and my doctor was so amazed at how spread out he is in there. He's definitely loving his home in there and not in any hurry to meet us.

Food Cravings: The same as previous weeks, but this week I am definitely on a sugar spree. Apple pie a la mode, Lucky Charms, Hershey's chocolate bars and sugar cookies with strawberry icing from Classy Chocolate on the square. Yum!

What I Miss: I miss having energy. I get spurts of energy every once in a while, but for the most part, I just want to be curled up in bed/on the couch relaxing. It's definitely not as bad as my first trimester, but energy is definitely lacking.

Sleep: So-so.  Last night was ok.  I tend to sleep best between the hours of 5am-11am.  Luckily, I am fortunate enough to be able to sleep in like that-but not for long! :)

What I Am Looking Forward To: Savoring these last few days/weeks as a family of two as we await the arrival of our sweet baby boy.

Symptoms: Exhaustion, back ache, cramping/contractions and low pressure

Belly Button: Out!

Next Dr. Appt: Monday, June 17th (Calvin's due date)

Contractions: Yes. I have had a couple of instances where they get pretty intense and right when I think it might be THE time, they stop.

Dilation/Effacement: I am STILL only 1 cm dilated and 0% effaced. After I had some pretty intense cramping and contractions on Sunday evening, I thought for sure that I would have progressed a little bit. However, at our appointment yesterday our doctor shared that she doesn't think he is in any hurry and that I should be prepared to go overdue, possibly 42 weeks.  She was kind enough to share her schedule for the rest of the month and I am sure that we will probably welcome Baby Calvin the week that she is off which would be week 41 (two weeks from yesterday.)

Because I DO NOT want to be induced, it will be interesting to see when this sweet boy does decided to arrive. We're ready for you Calvin whenever you are!

 39 weeks! The final countdown begins!

 38 weeks (forgot to include this last week) - on our way to a BBQ

Yes, I'm laying flat on my back, that's Calvin on the left!

38

Pregnancy Updates-Week 38

How Far Along: 38 weeks, 1 day

Total Weight Gain: I've gained 40 pounds total, but haven't gained any weight in my last three appointments!

Maternity Clothes: Absolutely! AND since school is out, I've been sporting leggings and dresses every day if I am not in pajamas.

Favorite Moment This Week: There are always so many favorite moments throughout the weeks, but this week there were several little ones. I have really been enjoying my relaxation time since school has been out. It has been great to "nest" and get things done around the house and have more than just the weekend to do it all. I've also done my fair share of resting.

Gender: BOY - Calvin!

Movement: YES! He is so active that I think it's frustrating for the doctor when she is trying to find his little heart rate with the Doppler. She has started calling him wiggle worm because when we are there for our appointments, he is always going crazy!

Food Cravings: Nothing new, but I have started making a new drink with carbonated lime water with a lime Popsicle in it to keep it cold - YUM! Also, I finally got my apple pie and vanilla ice cream fix that I've been craving since last weekend.

What I Miss: Sleeping on my back and my stomach.

Sleep: Well, last night was definitely the worst night of sleep that I have had since I've been pregnant. I was too hot so I couldn't get comfortable and had a really hard time falling back asleep once I was awake to use the restroom. Hopefully, tonight will be better.

What I Am Looking Forward To: These next few days/weeks of relaxation and preparing our home and lives for baby Calvin to arrive.

Symptoms: I am still comfortable over all. Sunday and Monday I had really severe cramping and there were a few times when I had to stop and breathe deeply. My doctor said that was a good thing to be happening especially considering that I am not making much progress in the dilation/effacement department. I asked if I should take it easy when that happens and she said, "Oh, no, get more active!"

Belly Button: OUT!

Next Dr. Appointment: Next Monday, June 10th

Contractions: Yes, they are very random, but they do happen. Braxton Hicks are becoming more frequent and I've been having more and more cramping.

Dilated/Effaced: Yes, but I am still at 1cm dilated and 0% effaced. My doctor mentioned she didn't think Calvin was aware that he had a due date coming up in two weeks so we will see! She estimated that he currently weighs 7.2 pounds so he will definitely be nice and hefty when he is born!

Are you ready?

The number one question I have been asked over the past couple of months: Are you ready?

Yes, I am ready. The pack and play is assembled, his clothes are washed, the only thing missing in his room is him, bottles are washed and put away and our hospital bags are packed. In the logistical ways, I am ready. Now that school is out for the summer, it's a waiting game...will today be the day? Tomorrow? Next Wednesday?

However, there are many aspects that I am NOT ready for. Call me crazy, but I have enjoyed every moment of being pregnant; even the nausea, puffy feet, exhaustion, etc. I have loved all of it. I am beginning to realize that I will no longer have this sweet boy growing inside of me and instead will be in charge of him growing outside of myself.

I am not ready to not be in control of virtually aspect of his growth and well being. Right now, it's all up to me and my body.

Selfishly, I am not ready to share him. The bond I have with this little guy is so strong and it's all mine for now. (Yes, I know, incredibly selfish.)

However, after nine months of carrying this precious miracle, I am ready to meet him. I can't wait to see his sweet face, wiggle his toes and stare at him all day long.

I'm ready when he is ready.

I had a great conversation with a co-worker last week before summer began. I mentioned that while at the doctor I watched an obviously miserable woman walk into the office for an appointment. She looked as though there was nothing about this pregnancy experience that she was enjoying. (Disclaimer: I am aware that I could have caught her on a bad day and shouldn't generalize her entire experience. However, that was my observation for the moment.) She and I were discussing the negative attitude that some people have towards pregnancy. The women who have very few positive things to say about the whole pregnancy experience. You know you have met them, because I have encountered several of them, even complete strangers who are willing to share every horrible thing that happened to them while they were pregnant.

I made myself a promise last spring after our mc. I promised myself that I would enjoy EVERY aspect of pregnancy, even the not so glamorous things. I promised that no matter how lousy I felt, I would count my blessings and relish in the life that was growing inside of me. I didn't want to be someone who would scare other women out of pregnancy. I wanted to be someone that other people see and then want to experience this phenomenal experience for themselves.

I know I haven't been positive 100% of the time. There were days where I had to vent to J or J at school, but I feel as I though I have fulfilled the promise I made to myself.

I feel great and I am ready for my sweet baby Calvin to come into our lives.

I am ready when he is ready; whether that is tonight, tomorrow, next Thursday or three and a half weeks from now. I am ready.