Are you ready?

The number one question I have been asked over the past couple of months: Are you ready?

Yes, I am ready. The pack and play is assembled, his clothes are washed, the only thing missing in his room is him, bottles are washed and put away and our hospital bags are packed. In the logistical ways, I am ready. Now that school is out for the summer, it's a waiting game...will today be the day? Tomorrow? Next Wednesday?

However, there are many aspects that I am NOT ready for. Call me crazy, but I have enjoyed every moment of being pregnant; even the nausea, puffy feet, exhaustion, etc. I have loved all of it. I am beginning to realize that I will no longer have this sweet boy growing inside of me and instead will be in charge of him growing outside of myself.

I am not ready to not be in control of virtually aspect of his growth and well being. Right now, it's all up to me and my body.

Selfishly, I am not ready to share him. The bond I have with this little guy is so strong and it's all mine for now. (Yes, I know, incredibly selfish.)

However, after nine months of carrying this precious miracle, I am ready to meet him. I can't wait to see his sweet face, wiggle his toes and stare at him all day long.

I'm ready when he is ready.

I had a great conversation with a co-worker last week before summer began. I mentioned that while at the doctor I watched an obviously miserable woman walk into the office for an appointment. She looked as though there was nothing about this pregnancy experience that she was enjoying. (Disclaimer: I am aware that I could have caught her on a bad day and shouldn't generalize her entire experience. However, that was my observation for the moment.) She and I were discussing the negative attitude that some people have towards pregnancy. The women who have very few positive things to say about the whole pregnancy experience. You know you have met them, because I have encountered several of them, even complete strangers who are willing to share every horrible thing that happened to them while they were pregnant.

I made myself a promise last spring after our mc. I promised myself that I would enjoy EVERY aspect of pregnancy, even the not so glamorous things. I promised that no matter how lousy I felt, I would count my blessings and relish in the life that was growing inside of me. I didn't want to be someone who would scare other women out of pregnancy. I wanted to be someone that other people see and then want to experience this phenomenal experience for themselves.

I know I haven't been positive 100% of the time. There were days where I had to vent to J or J at school, but I feel as I though I have fulfilled the promise I made to myself.

I feel great and I am ready for my sweet baby Calvin to come into our lives.

I am ready when he is ready; whether that is tonight, tomorrow, next Thursday or three and a half weeks from now. I am ready.