wound.

while clearing out the "piles" around the house of miscellaneous mail, junk mail, bills, receipts, etc. i came across something that opened a healing wound.

this wound has been in the process of healing since april 23. last weekend, it was as if the band aid was ripped off, with no caution.

i came across the beautiful ultrasound photo i received mere hours before my mc. this little, tiny, photo holds so much within its pixels.

hope. grief. joy. peace. comfort. love. life. loss.

i remember those moments in the ultrasound room like it was yesterday. after the terribly scary weekend that preceded this photo, there joe and i were. at imaging for women. after being in the waiting room for what seemed like hours, they called my name.

it's amazing to think of the range of emotions that can take place in an 8 by 10 foot room. joe and i couldn't wait to see our little blip of love on that screen. we couldn't wait to have someone confirm that everything was fine.

"so, you're here to hear baby's heartbeat for the first time?"

"yeah, we are."

"it's a beautiful thing."

the images appeared on the screen and there was silence. i studied that poor woman's face more than i have ever studied anyone. every wrinkle, movement, furrowed brow.

"well, i'm just not seeing anything. let me try a different angle."

[insert worst fears here.]

this is what i had hoped would never happen. but then, a smile. she found our little blip, or the beginnings of it. she and the radiologist explained to us that i must just not be as far along as they first thought.

"your doctor will look at these and let you know for sure, but that's what i'm thinking."

two days later, we knew for sure.

throughout this whole experience i have prayed for many things. peace. comfort. understanding. i've prayed that sharing my story will allow others to share theirs. to know we're not alone.

today, one of my prayers was answered. it's amazing how He can put someone in your life to share something with you at the EXACT time that you know you need to hear it. words from a dear colleague.

"i just wanted you to know i stumbled across your blog a while ago. just know that i've been praying for you and your husband. i had a miscarriage too and it all works out."

thank you, lord for always knowing what i need and when i need it.


-caitlin

another first. WIWW.

well, i've given in. i am going to ATTEMPT to do a WIWW (what i wore wednesday) post each week. now, i will probably only be posting what i wore wednesday. i don't know if i have the time or motivation to do photos every day.

today was the first day of school. there are many highlights in a school year, but for me, today is definitely at the top of the list. there is nothing better than spending the first day with your students. 

so, here is what i wore for the first day of school. it was a hot 95 something degrees today. therefore, dress shorts and something airy were a must. 

i only add the above photo so you can get a glimpse of another accessory i had for the first day...my sweet toe bandage. on monday, i had an ingrown toenail removed (about a fifth or so of my nail vertically). monday and tuesday were pretty terrible, but it is much better today and, fingers crossed, it seems to be healing nicely.

top: banana republic, shorts: the limited, watch, earrings: target, jewelry: the loft

-caitlin

Bliss. Wedded Bliss.

07.11.09

this is the date that changed my life forever. this is the day that i got to marry the man that i had hoped and prayed for my entire life. this is the day that i was united with the man that god placed in my life. 

it's hard to believe that it's already been three years. three. whole. years. where does time go?

this is one of the photos that i cherish the most from that day. this is the moment we saw each other for the first time. i love the expression on joe's face. there is so much emotion in this one photo.

07.27.12

this is the day my little brother married the girl of his dreams. i, along with joe, was honored to be a part of their big day. 

 

mr. and mrs. brenton say, "i do."

 

 the bridesmaids and the bride before the ceremony!

i've always been one to enjoy a great wedding. weddings have taken on a whole new meaning since joe and i said, "i do." every bit of theme seems even more sacred and beautiful. 

 

i was so blessed to be a part of their day and i look forward to watching the two of them grow as a couple.

 

congratulations, mr. and mrs. brenton! may god bless your marriage and the joyful years ahead.

-caitlin