bows or bow ties?

yesterday was THE big day. almost like a birthday, but we will call it "gender day." 

the ultra sound was phenomenal. it's amazing how much joy you can feel in your heart about looking at kidneys, the four chambers of the heart, femur bones, tiny fingers and tiny toes. let's just say, this little baby is loved so much already...is it possible to love him more?? here HE is...baby BOY desalvo (name to be determined.)

he had his hands over his face most of the time as if to say, leave me alone, i'm trying to sleep in here. he was tucked all together and looked awfully cozy. there were also several yawns and i had a feeling we were interrupting his nap time. this little boy is SO loved and i can't wait to meet him in just four and a half months!

well originally, we had planned to find out and then enjoy the little secret to ourselves for a few days. however, as soon as we laid eyes on our precious baby...we knew, there was no way we would be able to contain our joy and excitement for three whole days. after we got the big news, the tech left for a minute and joe said, "are we really going to keep this a secret" to which i replied, "yeah, i think we can do it." to that, joe up and admitted that he didn't think he would be able to wait. 

after leaving the imaging place, we called our families and asked them to come over later in the evening. we were planning to go out to dinner to celebrate and do some little boy shopping. they would join us later at our house. 

when every one arrived, we had them guess both the gender and what they thought the baby weighed RIGHT now. we had guesses anywhere between 12 ounces (the winner!) and 8 pounds. the gender guesses were three for girl and 6 for boy. i should also add that my class voted at school yesterday and 2/3 of the class said girl and 1/3 said boy. 

then, we passed out an envelope to everyone. at the same time, the envelopes were opened and it was revealed...baby desalvo is a BOY!

 revealing envelopes...

it's a boy!

it was so precious and memorable to see everyone's reactions and i am thankful for technology allowing us to catch that on film. once it was revealed that baby desalvo is a boy, i pulled out our clothing purchases from earlier in the evening for everyone to ooh and ah over. 

it's pretty difficult not to think that these are some of the cutest things on earth. i mean...look at the yellow jeans for pete's sake! 

needless to say, yesterday was one of the best. days. ever. we can't wait to meet our little guy, but i am enjoying every moment of pregnancy and the anticipation of meeting him and imagining what he will look like.

love.

-caitlin

milestone 20.

monday, i will be 20 weeks pregnant. twenty weeks. where has time gone? it seems like just yesterday that i was only 4.5 weeks along!

i have tried to savor every tiny moment of this experience. every little movement i feel. every emotion that comes over me. every day. every hour. every minute.

this picture is from last monday. 19 weeks.

baby cj sure is growing quickly. wednesday, january 30th we go in for our 20 week ultra sound and doctor's appointment. of course, this is the momentous ultra sound where we will find out if baby cj is a boy or a girl. joe and i can't wait. however, you will have to wait until saturday. we've decided to keep a little secret for a few days. a way to savor a bit more time before we reveal it to the world.

next saturday. groundhog day. will phil see his shadow? will phil see a boy or will phil see a girl? only time will tell.

joy.

i've been absent for a few months. A LOT has happened in these few months and i am so happy i finally get to share them with the world.

october 5. friends were coming over for chili. the weather was dreadful, and i felt pretty awful. once again, my body was telling me something. i took a test, negative. joe and i had a great evening with great friends.

october 6. still feeling pretty lousy, joe and i went out to find some fall clothing bargains. when we got home i felt that there was no way that test could be negative. sure enough, there was the faintest second line. we were in the process of rushing out the door to meet my family for dinner. dinner was delicious and afterwards, we went to target to pick up some more reliable tests. we came home, i took nearly all of the tests and there they all revealed...baby desalvo is on the way!

this was a busy day for us. after finding out the best news, we were off again, this time to joe's parents house. we hung out there for a bit, containing how thrilled we were about this news.

after everything that we went through last spring, joe and i decided that our families needed to know sooner rather than later. we ran home to grab the "grandparent" gift i had reserved for my parents for this occasion. i wrapped it up and we headed to their house. the artwork, that was once my own grandparents' said, "just when parents think their work is finished, they become grandparents."

joe's parents would find out the following wednesday.

when i got back to school on monday, i shared the news with h, j, and j. the moment becomes even more joyous once others are in our your sweet secret.

the first few weeks of my pregnancy were a bit tumultuous. we went to the doctor for the "confirmation" appointment. then, i went for routine blood work for my first OB appointment that would be happening in the next few days. a couple of days later, i got the call.

"after looking over your blood work, your progesterone levels are low. this is a bit concerning and we would like you to have an ultrasound today."

were we headed down the same path as we went down in april?

the ultra sound revealed that i was not 8.5 weeks, but only a mere 4.5. this is the exact pattern that we went through in april.

"the only thing we can do is wait."

two weeks later, we went in for ultra sound #2. baby was growing! saw the heart. saw the heart beat. relief. joy.

"come back in another two weeks for another to make sure things are still growing."

another two weeks of waiting, praying.

ultra sound #3 = sweetest thing i have ever seen. heard the heartbeat. peace. gummy bear. "limb buds"

God's timing is always right. that's what everyone always told me. this is the best, sweetest gift i've ever been given. i'm going to be a mom. joe is going to be a dad.

peace has taken over my heart and i am joyous.

thirteen weeks on monday = second trimester.

-caitlin

wound.

while clearing out the "piles" around the house of miscellaneous mail, junk mail, bills, receipts, etc. i came across something that opened a healing wound.

this wound has been in the process of healing since april 23. last weekend, it was as if the band aid was ripped off, with no caution.

i came across the beautiful ultrasound photo i received mere hours before my mc. this little, tiny, photo holds so much within its pixels.

hope. grief. joy. peace. comfort. love. life. loss.

i remember those moments in the ultrasound room like it was yesterday. after the terribly scary weekend that preceded this photo, there joe and i were. at imaging for women. after being in the waiting room for what seemed like hours, they called my name.

it's amazing to think of the range of emotions that can take place in an 8 by 10 foot room. joe and i couldn't wait to see our little blip of love on that screen. we couldn't wait to have someone confirm that everything was fine.

"so, you're here to hear baby's heartbeat for the first time?"

"yeah, we are."

"it's a beautiful thing."

the images appeared on the screen and there was silence. i studied that poor woman's face more than i have ever studied anyone. every wrinkle, movement, furrowed brow.

"well, i'm just not seeing anything. let me try a different angle."

[insert worst fears here.]

this is what i had hoped would never happen. but then, a smile. she found our little blip, or the beginnings of it. she and the radiologist explained to us that i must just not be as far along as they first thought.

"your doctor will look at these and let you know for sure, but that's what i'm thinking."

two days later, we knew for sure.

throughout this whole experience i have prayed for many things. peace. comfort. understanding. i've prayed that sharing my story will allow others to share theirs. to know we're not alone.

today, one of my prayers was answered. it's amazing how He can put someone in your life to share something with you at the EXACT time that you know you need to hear it. words from a dear colleague.

"i just wanted you to know i stumbled across your blog a while ago. just know that i've been praying for you and your husband. i had a miscarriage too and it all works out."

thank you, lord for always knowing what i need and when i need it.


-caitlin

another first. WIWW.

well, i've given in. i am going to ATTEMPT to do a WIWW (what i wore wednesday) post each week. now, i will probably only be posting what i wore wednesday. i don't know if i have the time or motivation to do photos every day.

today was the first day of school. there are many highlights in a school year, but for me, today is definitely at the top of the list. there is nothing better than spending the first day with your students. 

so, here is what i wore for the first day of school. it was a hot 95 something degrees today. therefore, dress shorts and something airy were a must. 

i only add the above photo so you can get a glimpse of another accessory i had for the first day...my sweet toe bandage. on monday, i had an ingrown toenail removed (about a fifth or so of my nail vertically). monday and tuesday were pretty terrible, but it is much better today and, fingers crossed, it seems to be healing nicely.

top: banana republic, shorts: the limited, watch, earrings: target, jewelry: the loft

-caitlin

Bliss. Wedded Bliss.

07.11.09

this is the date that changed my life forever. this is the day that i got to marry the man that i had hoped and prayed for my entire life. this is the day that i was united with the man that god placed in my life. 

it's hard to believe that it's already been three years. three. whole. years. where does time go?

this is one of the photos that i cherish the most from that day. this is the moment we saw each other for the first time. i love the expression on joe's face. there is so much emotion in this one photo.

07.27.12

this is the day my little brother married the girl of his dreams. i, along with joe, was honored to be a part of their big day. 

 

mr. and mrs. brenton say, "i do."

 

 the bridesmaids and the bride before the ceremony!

i've always been one to enjoy a great wedding. weddings have taken on a whole new meaning since joe and i said, "i do." every bit of theme seems even more sacred and beautiful. 

 

i was so blessed to be a part of their day and i look forward to watching the two of them grow as a couple.

 

congratulations, mr. and mrs. brenton! may god bless your marriage and the joyful years ahead.

-caitlin

 

determination

so, this week i began a new journey. after a dear friend mentioned her success on it, i decided to join weight watchers. 

i took it upon myself to get back in shape and continue to eat healthier. i am incredibly proud of joe and i with the fact that we do eat extremely healthy, especially compared to how we used to eat. following the removal of 1/2 my pancreas and spleen [that's for another post] AND my mc, taking care of the body that i have been given by God, the ONLY one i've been given, has become one of my main focuses in life.

unfortunately, after my mc, the health of my body took a back seat. it was almost as if i was punishing my body for putting me something so horrible. eating, snacking, and eating more somehow brought me comfort. way too many pounds later, it was time for a change.

so, after joining ww this week, i've actually had fun challenging myself to see how close i can get to my number of daily allotted points without dipping into my "extra" weekly points. it's a fun challenge, especially knowing that it's benefiting me. fruits and veggies are ZERO points, so i've been consuming lots of those! 

fridays are my weigh in days. yesterday, i had lost 4.6 pounds from when i was in the doctors office wednesday. weight loss is not my main goal, but it doesn't hurt to have something pushing me to my new goal.

i am determined to get healthy again. i am determined to take charge of this life and health i've been given.

i am prepping my body to become a mommy. i want the place where my future children will thrive and grow for nine months to be a healthy place. i want to bring my children into this world one step ahead of most...one BIG healthy step.

-caitlin